The Quest for the Quest… a Monty Python Tale!
I wrote this tale some years ago… probably 2003 or 2004. A little on the light side but I was proud of how throughout the story the prose went from modern English to Old English. I hope you enjoy it! -M
My friend Willem and I recently had dinner and then had planned to see a movie. Well unfortunately for us we lingered a little too long over dinner, and the movie was all sold out.
You should know that Willem and I are best friends and have been so for more than half my life. We have similar senses of humour, and we often know exactly what the other is thinking. So when Willem told me that he wanted to see Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, I knew he did not mean my old bootleg VHS copy.
I dialed Blockbuster in Pierrefonds where Willem lives, about ten kilometers from where we were standing outside of Kelsey's. The young lady who answered asked if we wanted the regular or the special edition DVD, and I replied sardonically that we wanted the special edition, of course. 'Well sir we have one in stock, and the price is...'
'Wow that's great! I'm buying it!' Willem chimed in that no, HE was buying it! I asked the clerk (was it Amy or Sue?) to put it aside, and the race was on. We looked at each other and knew that this was a race to the death. The Quest For the Quest!
'You'll never get there first!' Willem mocked. 'Ah, but I have more car than you, buddy!' Willem jumped into his Subaru Legacy Wagon. I climbed into my Nissan Maxima. It was a warm and dry day, and it would be by skill and cunning that the best knight would win this contest.
We took different routes to the highway. I took a slightly longer path to avoid the line-up of cars outside the cinema. When I pulled onto the service road, I could see Willem was mere metres ahead. His white wagon was unmistakable with the trademark (NL) sticker adorning every car in his fleet like a coat of arms since I have known him. I accelerated and we were even for a minute... and when I dug my spurs into the Maxima's ribs my steady mount took the lead. However danger was afoot... There was construction in these woods, and a less-than-careful knight would be thrown from his steed.
On the highway we were never out of sight of one another, each passing his foe when opportunity arose. 'Twas I who found the exit ramp first and turned onto St. John's a hair's breadth ahead. Traffic on this path was even, and maneuvering was not treacherous but one would have to take heed nonetheless. The sheriff's cavaliers would be hiding among the masses, and they were to be avoided at all cost.
I sent ahead a carrier pigeon (a Motorolla model) with word that imposters may try to impersonate but only I would reveal myself with the proper codes. Should my brave foe attempt such treachery the wench would know he was the imposter.
Each rider was hindered by obstacles. I found myself stuck in a lane behind a carriage (thou knowest them as 'busses') and lost many strides. Sir Willem of Baderwood was impeded by an ambulance and had no way to maneuver for many seconds.
We pulled into the court of Blockbuster within three seconds of one another, but 'twas I who took the most convenient berth and tied my steed at the entrance to the castle. I drew my sword (debit card) and as I entered the castle proclaimed myself. Within seconds my able and honoured foe appeared, sabre drawn, and proclaimed 'Tis I, Sir Mitch of the Website!' But alas it was too late, for the bounty was mine, and we kneeled before the queen and twice more knighted for our bravery on the field of battle.
So we returned to Willem's castle and there we didst watcheth the play on the little shiny disc, and raised our goblets to each other. Another in a long line of adventures concluded over a Diet Pepsi!