Of course I would have been furious with most people but it turned out to be an old buddy from my army days. We chatted for the better part of an hour before his cell phone was dying, and we vowed to speak again soon.
After I hung up I tried to count how many people had carte blanche to call me any time, day or night, just to shoot the breeze. Of course if there is an emergency or someone has a real problem I am always available, but just to chat is different. I came up with a few names, but really no more than that.
This friend is living three time zones west of here and probably did not realize what time it was, but frankly it would not have mattered to me. He is a true friend, and you do not come across too many of those in this life. It does not matter that I have only seen him on two occasions (three days each) over the past decade, or that we speak maybe twice a year. True friendship means that six months or six years from now you can pick up where you left off - and having so much to catch up on can be part of the fun.
I know a lot of people whom I call friends and most of them are, after a fashion. Over the years some people who thought they were my friends proved to me that they were not, and were usually surprised by how easily they stopped being my friend. I have always been clear: I move heaven and earth to NOT let my friends down, and expect the same. A friend who lets me down and feels remorse and tries to make it right may get another chance, but someone who does not - well, they probably were not true friends in the first place.
I have always been clear. I learned in the army that a friend is someone you would kill for or die for, and who would do the same for you. Anyone else is just someone you know. Of course it will take time to develop that real bond and there is a place between acquaintance and true friend that I have learned is part of friendship, and most of the people in our lives will probably fall into that category. I have friends I have known for months for whom I would hesitate to take a bullet for, yet they are still friends. I suppose it is difficult for most people to fathom the concept of killing or dying, so let's say that those are extremes and that a true friend would do anything in their power to not let a friend down - to help them, to protect them from harm. Frankly I think that preventing a friend from having to know those concepts would fall under the category of protection.
Some time ago I was having a discussion with a friend (and maybe his wife) and I told him this definition of friend. I do not remember where we were or when it was but I remember quite clearly his reply: "Wow... that's really a hard expectation to live up to." It is... but he is still a friend and I am proud to call him that.
There are others who have known my stance on this and have at times reminded me of it. I do not like having my philosophies thrown back at me, but when I deserve it I take it like a man. Yet the same person in question failed to come through when the situation arose. That is why I say that it has to be mutual, otherwise it cannot be sustained.
What is it that makes a true friend? I do not have the magic formula, but like someone once said about pornography: 'I may not be able to define it, but I know it when I see it.'
True friendship is hard to miss.